The “Big Three Oh” – Something To Dread Or Embrace?

by Michelle Dee
Originally Published via PD, November 24, 2010

In life you learn many lessons.  Some are just mere short term experience, and others can take years. One in particular I had to learn was that the big three-oh (turning 30) did not mean the end of my youth, fun in life, or hope. I had to go on quite a long journey to figure this lesson out, though.

One day, I was riding down Interstate 64, sitting in the back seat of a raspberry colored 96 Chevy Cavalier.  My mother was in the passenger seat and my step-father was driving. I was seventeen years-old.  I had always teased my mother, who was thirty-seven  at the time, about being old.  This was one of those times. I mentioned that there was nothing to look forward to after thirty except retirement, and then sometimes I would jokingly add, “unless you want to run for President at thirty-five”.  This particular time, though, my mother turned and said to me, “You know I had some of the best times in my life after I turned thirty.”

Fast forward twelve years.  It was a cold night in late January 2008.  My family was sound asleep and my kittens were thumping about on my new hardwood laminate floors.  I lay in bed thinking “Oh my, I am twenty nine.  This is the end of my youth!”

It was a scary time for me, turning twenty-nine just two weeks before.  Thirty was looming over me and I actually felt dread, I felt the need to get up and write in my blog.  So I grabbed my laptop and crept out into the living room and sat on my fluffy couch.  I popped out the recliner and got myself comfortable with throw pillows supporting my arms and computer.  The light from my computer screen illuminated the darkness.  I began to write.

All my life I thought thirty was old.  I thought women stopped being attractive at thirty.  I thought there was no more fun to be had after thirty.  Thirty somethings concentrated on careers and children.  Another sense of dread washed over me.  I am almost thirty and have little post-secondary education under my belt.  I have practically no job history, and no networking to speak of, since I have stayed at home with my kids since I was twenty.  Not only was I OLD but I was way behind what I thought society expected of someone who was thirty.

Then I had my “eureka moment”!  My blog post of dread became one of self realization; thirty isn’t old!  You just aren’t a kid anymore. And why did I want to still be viewed like a kid?  I had wanted to be some hot young thing dancing in a club and drinking a cocktail.  I never got to experience that part of my life, but it’s done and gone and I don’t want to be that crazy mom trying to relive the youth she never had.  In my blog I stated, “So while I’m reflecting on all this tonight I realized I’m a grown up!  I’m not a kid anymore. I’m a wife and mother.  30 doesn’t seem so bad.”  My husband thinks I’m beautiful and my kids think I’m the most amazing woman in the world. They are the important ones when it comes to how people perceive me.  Here I am approaching thirty, and I still feel young no matter the dread the number seemed to hold before.

I had previously read, not long before this, of “quarter life crisis”.  This is when a mid to late twenty something graduates college and has to transition from school to real world of jobs, bills, housing, and no longer living under your parents umbrella.  I was, what seemed to be, right on time.  I had gotten part of it down and I was now trying to figure out what direction my life was going.  I felt inspired at this point.  I was ready to buckle down and go back to school. To get a career started, and begin saving money toward a purchase of our own home. The sense of dread I had felt mere minutes before had now turned into realization, excitement, hope, and motivation.

Now here I sit in my blue chair in the living room.  All is quiet and the kids are at school. My kittens have all grown up and found new homes.  The sun is taking breaks streaming through my windows, as the clouds block it out.  I am now thirty- one years old.  I am in the midst of school and can’t wait to start my career.  I have made a handful of friends through my networking of work and school.  I find myself attending more events and outings.  My children are old enough to participate in a number of activities that I accompany them to.  I find myself having much more fun in my thirties than I ever did in my twenties.  Lesson learned?  Sometimes Mom knows what she’s talking about. Sometimes.